I'm not scared. I want to be scared. The closest I got was a show on Showtime called Master of Horror (a series) that was creepier than any Tales from the Crypt re-runs. If I see Thirteen Ghosts on the Sci-Fi channel one more time...

Friendships When They Sour: I'm revisiting this topic because I feel it necessary to bestow my worldly wisdom on the massive bloggers out there. I also feel the urgent need to be heard because it is a subject that seems to be a shared, if not common, experience...and I also think that I am the center of the universe and everyone should heed my advice. As a matter of fact, they should cling to it with insistent severity, as if it were their life's blood. Lemme tell you why I am so focused on this particular subject: The BFF I've written about before made the vain attempt to re-establish her friendship with me recently. I found it disconcerting to say the least, and the cynic in me couldn't help but also believe that it was also due to the ever approaching holiday season. (Whether or not that's true is beside the point). Just follow along here with me, people. So she sends me an email. A mite impersonal--to be sure--but I gave her the benefit of the doubt until I got to the content of the email. The email was titled something like, "Apology" or "Apologies" which was an excellent beginning. It went downhill from there, though. Real fast. On roller-skates. In restrospect, the title should have been more penitent. Something like: "I'm-now-begging-for-forgiveness-and-it-took-this-long-for-me-to-write-because-I-maimed-myself-as-punishment" or "I-wrote-this-email-because-I-am-vermin-and-didn't-want-to-besmear-you-with-the-sound-of-my-voice" or "How-could-someone-so-low-speak-to-someone-so-high"? Or something like that. But alas, I didn't get my wish. I got an 'I-miss-you' with a laundry list reiterating why I sucked as a friend in the first place. Basically, she nullified her apology. When they're good: "I'm really, really, really sorry. I was a butt-hole. Let me bow to your greatness and kiss your feet for being graced by your presence. Please, please, please take me back as your friend...please oh please!!" When they're bad: "But I still want it to be clear I felt you crossed the line in criticizing Mr. X and, subsequently, our relationship. In all the years I have known you, and the boyfriends I had known you with, I was very careful never to say anything disparaging about any of them, and only to offer advise to what woes you imparted to me, To call me drunk and tell me Mr. X was not good enough for me, and that it should be me and Mr. Y, well, it left a bad taste in my mouth, and still does, like a metallic blood taste." Yes, she's back (or at least in her mind) and already off to a great new start don't ya think? She has apologized via email--which is my first pet peeve. Be woman enough to confront me or at the very least drop a written note (preferably in 'metallic' blood) begging for my forgiveness after what she's put me through. It's the least she could do. But what do I get? I get an email riddled with finger-pointing which isn't even close to being kind. Note my level of anger here. Let's just say we have a longer history worthy of something more than a couple of impersonal emails. So let's get this straight. Some apologies are noteworthy, heartfelt. Others are just plain scathing and vindictive. Hers was the latter. So I decided to forewarn the bloggi-verse: When is a friendship over?? First we must evaluate several scenarios (from a female standpoint):

1. One BFF (a.k.a. Best Friend Forever) says something, the other takes it the wrong way.
2. One BFF says something about the other which is intentionally hurtful and vindictive.
3. One BFF feels betrayed by the other (Especially concerning boyfriends or ex's).
4. One BFF feels the other cheated them out of money and/or goods. Also: See #3
5. One BFF is jealous and goes all "single-white-female" on the other.

Did I miss any? I dunno. Tell me if I did. All I know is that it is never easy to let go of the friendship or opt to stay when there's so much bitterness and anger hanging in the air. I've already said that sometimes it's best to move on, but some blog readers felt that this decision wasn't always right. So here is an appendage to that original idea I had.

When Is It Right to Stay Friends?

Good question. No one can answer this for you. You have to do some desperate soul-searching here, kids. So she destroyed your reputation and slept with your boyfriend? For some people that's enough to delete every trace email and obliterate the friend's address from their "Buddy List". But for others, it is just a test of their friendship. I guess some people are just bigger than that. Good for those people who can look beyond these failing friendships and stick true-blue until the end of time! I am not so trusting. But hey, different strokes for different folks, right? Someone else had told me that a great friend should stick to the three E's: Enrichment, Encouragement, and Enlightenment. I wish things were so simple. I read an email once that said something to the effect of: 'I'll be there to hold your hair when you get sick praying to the porcelain gods.' I always thought, Ewww. I still think Ewww. I don't want to be anywhere near my sick friends. I'd rather just call her later when she's feeling better. No matter.

You and your friends should set the boundaries early. Both of you should try to stick to them. Most will fail. My main thing is that friends should love each other. There should be no ulterior motive. Just hang out, feel groovy every now and then, and then leave it there. Too clingy never works, too bossy never works, too demanding never works. Just keep it cool and straight and don't let issues fester. That's it and that's all.

I hope you learned something. If you didn't , then next time pay attention and bring your #2 pencil and take notes...you slouch!

But in Reality...

On the verge of a "rant" because I can't understand the stupidity behind complacency. I am a firm believer in the adage, "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem." No me de complejos, if you aren't willing to dig in the dirt and work hard to change things. It seems that these days Latinos are more engrossed in the lives of celebrities. Do we still care if JLo and Marc Anthony's sham marriage makes it?! Uh, no.

Seems like everywhere I look, Latinos are being included. More than ever before the Anglo-version of Latinos are showing up in commerciales and not just for Malta Goya. We are the new target audience for everything from beauty products to junk food. Are we the new "trend", el nuevo "craze"? Are we getting our fifteen minutes?

¡Oye, mi gente!

When I think about this subject, a Billy Joel song quickly comes to mind: "It's just a fantasy / It's not the real thing". The Latino marketing strategy is a simple one: get Hispanics to buy, buy, buy. Truth be told, we are buying...a lot. It's not just the products, but the foodstuffs, the literature, and the technology. According to a 2003 Sun Times article, we are not only the largest growing minority group but "Hispanics are estimated to represent as much as $630 billion in annual spending power." Just toss a bag-full of goodies y cosas gratis, and watch the Hispanics line up. But why aren't Latinos participating in the more important things that can actively affect change? ¿Cual cosas? How about things like: "research studies"? According to a 5/13/05 article from Medical News Today, "At a time when the Hispanic population is growing at a rate faster than any other minority group, Hispanics still represent only a small portion of participants in clinical research studies." ¿Y porque te importa? Por que this could provide researchers with important data for diseases and infirmities hitting Hispanics hard. Diseases like diabetes, heart disease, and high blood pressure are no longer a chiste about mamí's mal humor. As per Joel Escobedo, a University of Michigan Medical student: "These are diseases that are more prevalent among Hispanics.We need to understand how these conditions affect Hispanics, how treatments work for them, and what areas we need to pay particular attention to with Hispanic patients." This brings me to my next pensamiento: education. Without proper education, how can Hispanics understand and recognize the importance of research, historical data, and politics? This is the place where young minds are shaped and nurtured. Naturally there are a few barriers that Latinos need to first conquer in order to progress. Here are a few: 1. Language - Whether the child has immigrated into this country or was wrongfully moved through the school system (having learned little or nothing), it is imperative that they learn to speak the lenguaje.

2. Terminology and Testing - How can a Hispanic name something if the label is not easy to define? Much was made in the news about standardized testing being presented in a very Americano-centric way which prompted minority students to score poorly.

3. Bias - Inner-city schoolchildren can be cruel and they can muscle in on an already fragile self-esteem.

4. Old Habits and Customs - Just because your abuela back in the day didn't go farther than high-school doesn't mean that tu no puedes. ¡Por favor! No one is saying that it is facil, but it is essential.

5. Avoid the Traps - Teenage pregnancy and promiscuity may be a darker part of our heritage and culture (no te haga) but it doesn't have to be. The trappings of our cultura should not affect our futuro. It is only considered the 'norm' because we choose to accept as such. Stop chasing historia and consigue otra moda de success.

Aún, Dennis Kelly's USA Today article (2001), "Education's Hispanic Gap" talks about the percentage rate of Hispanics going to collegios y universidades. According to Kelly, "The college completion rate runs about 27 percent for the entire U.S. adult population, [but] it is only about 10 percent for Hispanic adults." That's sad. Finally, I think that we should also become more active in politics. Sure, most out there are crooks and corruption is everywhere, but where isn't it? Si tienes que gritar, jump up and down on couches, dar una tremenda pela, go ahead. It is the quiet, passive ones that aren't heard. So get active and volunteer your time at your local state offices. You should also participate in local government and maybe even run for public office. If for no other reason than to be heard, to have a voz amid the din of others. It is important.

Those bygone days of being represented by Juan Valdez and his burro are long over, people. It's time to get moving, get shaking, and start being more selective in the items you purchase and the products you buy. Remember that you may be inadvertently supporting companies that are not as Latino-friendly as they should be.

¡Que viva, Latinoamerica!

"If this be madness, yet there is method in it." ~ Shakespeare What do you want from me...blood??? I'm trying to keep up with the bloggy world, but I have been soooo busy it's sick. Mostly personal stuff is getting in the way of a free moment to myself. I'm planning some major changes in my life which require my utmost attention. But I'm not telling what they are..haha, you fools!!! MoMA visit: But I do want to relate my wonderful museum experience on October 9th. The Museum of Modern Art has re-opened in NYC, so I decided to take a peek. Here's what I found: First of all, I love the layout of the place. It is a haven of self-discovery and it's free-flowing architecture allows you to move from room to room barely noticing that you've covered so much area. I mean each room is the lead-in to the next. If you're not careful, you can get lost (as I learned very quickly after being separated from my party at least three times). I had one of the security guards laughing at me because first Carlos got lost, then Sara, then me. It was too funny. The lobby is spacious and majestic and a great meeting point (should you happen to get lost). And yeah, there are many strange sculptures and paintings and things. Some were beyond BEYOND--like really out there. Some were intellectual and some were confusing like, huh?!

• Like a corner filled with lit light bulbs. Huh?
• Or a series of panels talking about "The Seasons" with some Latin writing and Spanish writing amid splashes of color that didn't make sense. Huh?
• Or a room dedicated to a giant golden cube made of gold leaf on marble. Huh?
• Or a collage of various body parts of models cut out from magazines with "blood" painted onto the pieces, coming out of eyes, noses, ears, etc. I guess the artist hates models. Again, HUH??? But the highlights were: 1) A sculpture of these naked parents standing side-by-side to their naked children. The artist made them all the same size, making a comment about evolution and societal changes. Parents are equal to the children; children are equal to their parents. Also, the children seem physically wider than the parents so I'm not sure what that's about. Maybe a commentary on the obesity issue? I dunno. Some of this commentary is pure conjecture. 2) A dark room with a film playing of men standing upright. It was really fascinating because the artist seems to be challenging the viewer. Who's looking at whom? And all of the men are about the same height but who do you gravitate to first? It shows our biases. Why did we gravitate to one over the other? And there seemed to be just one man who was moving. Most just stood there motionless or shifted their weight when they got tired of standing in one place. But this Eastern-looking guy was the only one who kept moving his hands; folding them, holding his hands together. Not sure what that meant either. 3) Absence of Memory by Salvadore Dali. My fave and it follows me everywhere. Although it was crowded, it was good to see how small it really was. Even though the skeptic in me feels that these weren't the actual works of these artists. Only copies. The reason I think this? Everyone could get really close and I heard that a person's breath could actually damage the paint. None are covered or anything, leaving me to believe that they aren't the originals. How can you show the same paintings around the globe if not on a tour? I dunno for sure. I just felt that way, even though it still was fascinating to me. 4) There is this great artist: William Kentridge. I saw his private show out in Washington DC one year and I found that he is the most interesting artist...He works in balck and white sketches with lots movement and a sudden bit of color for contrast or shock value. His commentaries are generally about war or world orders but it's his presentation that's wonderful. He plays sad, slow violin and bass music over his sketches and then films each sketch to make small movies. This guy is phenomenal just by the quantity of sketches he creates. The film playing was about guilt and regret. Very moving. 5) An artist who films his creations which are giant performance pieces / science projects. He uses the laws of physics and chemistry to create this elaborate maze. This was pure joy! I wish science teachers taught science like this...maybe I would've paid more attention...

Well, there you have it. If you've never been to MoMa, you should go. If not for any other reason than to see an alternate point-of-view. You do have to go in with an open mind, though. I spoke with someone recently about it and they said that they didn't like modern art. When I asked them if they'd gone to see it, they said 'no'. 'Then how would you know?' I asked. 'I know,' they replied. Well, I guess it's true what they say: Ignorance is bliss. I'd rather take a look at it myself then formulate a judgement. I guess I'm just crazy that way...

Life: A Contradiction: OK, OK. I was born a woman (which has its advantages and disadvantages). But, I may go ballistic (a la Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction") if a man betrays me. I should model my homemaking skills after Martha Stewart. I should aspire to be as rich as Oprah. I should be as graceful as Audrey Hepburn, as mysterious as Jackie Onassis, and as warm as Princess Di. I can motivate reform (a la Sally Field's performance of "Norma Rae") but I will only earn 75 cents to every man's dollar. I am supposed to be extremely nurturing and loving, even when having a bad day. I need to learn to juggle housework, homework, work-work and it helps if I could learn needlepoint. Health news says that when I get menopause I'll go crazy so I should take some hormones; but natural herbs are probably better at treating my mood swings and hot flashes. Neither one can make those go away completely, though. I should have children to learn a thing or two about motherhood. I can't drink coffee, but I can drink wine. I can't eat chocolate, even though--some studies have shown--that it improves my mood. I should drink at least eight-glasses a day, but I should watch out for contaminated water; and, just because some water companies put the word, "spring" in their name, it doesn't mean it's actually fresh from a mountain spring. I shouldn't groom while driving, so applying lipstick in the rear-view mirror is a no-no. I shouldn't file my nails at work or groom in public. I should smell like a Summer's Eve in one area of my body only. Being hygenic means more than just flossing my teeth and combing my hair so now I am encouraged to wear scents that make me smell like a fruit (i.e. Kiwi or Mango) or smell like a bean (i.e. vanilla). "All natural" over-the-counter remedies can potentially ruin my body chemistry and may not be natural, after all. I should follow the pyramid chart of eating and follow the weight charts, only loosely, depending on my height. I should aspire to workout at least 3 times a week via pilates or yoga. It's okay to use bath soap sparingly to prevent dryness. My face should be smoothe but not tight, supple but not wrinkled. I should avoid using bacterial soaps to bolster my immune system. I shouldn't wear pointy-toed shoes or high heels to prevent sore feet and lower-back problems. I should drink 1% milk because pasteurized milk is harmful but milk's supposed to do the body "good" and can help me fight osteoperosis. I can't expose my breasts in public (even if I'm breast-feeding my child), unless I live in NYC. I should get a breast exam every year but could at any time be diagnosed with breast cancer. Since there is no cure, doctors could prescribe a host of drugs I may or may not respond to because they've never been tested on women (scientists argue that there are too many variables). It is customary for me to be a secretary, caregiver, bookkeeper, financial advisor every day of the week. I am expected to be yielding, versatile and nurturing (preferably while parading around like a Barbie-doll or Pamela Anderson--believe me, these two are one in the same). Mostly, my life is guided by a set of unwritten rules that I never agreed to. And to that I say... What the--??? (You figure it out)