It's Quiz Time: I felt a little playful today so I thought I'd create a quiz. This is for pure fun because I love to take quizzes. Hope you enjoy! SURREAL UNION: Find out what kind of celebrity coupling best describes you and yours. 1) You are invited to your best bud’s wedding but your mate isn’t dressed to your liking. You: a) Tell him to change. b) Offer a suggestion, but let it go if your mate gets huffy. c) Both change and then muscle your way to the nearest mirror shouting, “I think I look great, but do you think this sleeve could be longer? Maybe this makes me look fat? Maybe I should change into the black one? What do you think???” d) Tell him / her to add a feather boa and platform shoes. e) Argue, but then cave when presented with a healthy dose of crack. f) Get a Thetan Level 3 to advise your mate on what the appropriate dress code is. 2) Someone spiked the punch at a party, which has made your mate a little drunk. You: a) Tell him to relax. There’s a time and a place to “act the fool”. b) You are a little upset, but start to drink too. There’s no point in your mate having all the fun! c) Down a couple and give lap-dances to everyone in attendance. d) Start licking each other’s faces. e) Spark up and owl. Everything’s better when you’re loaded. f) Lucky for you you’ve been coached for such an occasion. Under the watchful eye of a Thetan Level 5 escort, you say she’s “magnificent” and that he “...is the most incredible man in the world”. 3) The tabloids hint at a breakup. You immediately: a) Show up holding hands at the next premiere. b) Get your manager to sue the publication. c) Begin work on a reality TV show based on your marriage. d) Release a sex tape amid amorous displays of affection. e) Release statements saying he’s: “The Godfather of Soul” and that she’s the “Queen of R&B” f) Show-up in Paris, spouting sayings like: “She’s magnificent” and “He is the most incredible man in the world”. 4) Your methodology for raising kids is: a) Place them on the red-carpet to interview celebrities. b) Hand them off to their real parents when you’re done cooing over them. c) What, kids? She doesn’t want to lose her figure and he doesn’t want to compete over who gets to suckle mommy’s melons! d) The nannies and au pairs have it all under control. Gotta go! Mommy’s promoting her new show and Daddy’s promoting a new album... e) She says: “I don’t wanna be bothered with no damn kids on Mother’s Day.” He says: “Great! Then we’ll go to the pool while mommy’s at the spa!” f) I think it’s important to expose children to everything and my ex, actually the world, agrees with me on this. 5) Your mate is feeling a little depressed. What do you do? a) Run a hot bubble bath, send the kids away and cook dinner for her. b) She wears daisy-dukes and a new fragrance. He showers her with expensive gifts. c) Invite a bunch of celebrities over for a party. d) Get “his” and “her” tattoos. e) Sing out loud and take a few pictures with fans, after you both inhaled. f) Eat all-natural herbs and take homeopathic remedies with the stamp of approval from The Church, of course. 6) Finish this phrase: Exercise is... a) Healthy. You both workout to feel and look good. b) A necessary evil. Given your lines of work, you both have to workout on a regular basis. c) Vital. Neither of you wants to be the ugly girl at the dance. d) Not important. She is a freak of nature, and he’s just a freak. e) Not necessary if you’re on the crack, chile! f) Magnificent and Incredible. Whether jumping on couches or sliding across wood-parquet flooring, it is awesome! 7) You describe your sex-life together as: a) The Willenium Project. b) A Hazzard. c) Kalifornication. d) Dr. Feelgood. e) And I...........Will Always Love You. f) Magnificent and Incredible...what else? 8) Which of these song lyrics best describe you and your mate: a) All my love (yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah) / A thousand kisses from you is never too much [1,000 Kisses ~ Will Smith] b) I can wear my hair down / I can say anything crazy / I know you’ll catch me right before I hit the ground [With You ~ Jessica Simpson] c) Sometimes I feel / Like I don't have a partner / Sometimes I feel / Like my only friend [Under the Bridge ~ Red Hot Chili Peppers] d) Took my love into overdrive / Custom pink tonight you'll pay the price / When she's hot, well, damn she's hot / Electric love [Come on And Dance ~ Motley Crue] e) Didn’t we almost have it all / When love was all we had worth giving? / The ride with you was worth the fall my friend / Loving you makes life worth living [Didn’t We Almost Have It All ~ Whitney Houston] f) Turning and returning to some secret place inside / Watching in slow motion as you turn my way and say / Take my breath away, My Love / Take my breath away [Take My Breath Away ~ Berlin] 9) Which of these choices best reveals your beauty secret: a) Makeup artists never hurt anybody but au natural is our favorite (just ask her). b) Proactive Face Cream, of course! c) Breathe balance and acupuncture techniques help us out. d) Anger management and group therapy sessions keep us on-again, off-again. e) Wigs and Preparation H facials, baby. f) Scientology gets us through anything. 10) This one’s just for fun. Which smash-up comes close to the way you would describe your relationship? a) Matrix in Black (MIB) b) 98 Degrees of Hazzard c) Scary Addiction d) Baywatch Goes to College e) It’s Not Right but it’s My Prerogative f) Disturbing Risky Business Alright, alright. You’ve had your fun, now— Tally it Up....... You are: Jada Pinkett and Will Smith (Those who chose mostly “A” answers) Okay, so you’re woman’s always right (if you know what’s good for you). But that ain’t bad, because the both of you enjoy working as a team so long as she gets the final say. You like ‘em strong, anyway! Equal in love, equal in success, but in-between the sheets and in life ~ a woman has her way. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey (Those who chose mostly “B” answers) You are the cookie-cutter bride and bridegroom. You never have a bad word to say about each other. While separated for long periods on the road, you romantically surprise one another with visits. You also like to give each other “cutsie” presents and spice things up with bubblegum-flavored products. Most people are sick of the two of you but still say, “Aw, shucks” when they see you lovingly stare into one another’s eyes. Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro (Those who chose mostly “C” answers) Your marriage is a sham. You two are more interested in playing dress-up than playing house. Fights in front of the bathroom mirror are not uncommon and you both love to debate who dresses better. Give it up. Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee (Those who chose mostly “D” answers) The both of you are like children who can’t make a decision. On-again, off-again and up and down like yo-yo’s. You’re both silly and outrageous personalities who can’t seem to make a decision on whether to stay together or ditch the effort. Hurry up, people. Time’s a-wastin’. Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown (Those who chose mostly “E” answers) By yourselves, you seem okay. But together, you’re self-destructive. Outbursts like “a hell to the no!” plus overactive sweat-glands just prove that the both of you need some professional help. And against popular advice, you choose to stay together. No one knows how you manage to trudge on, what with your numerous court appearances and rehab. Somehow, you do. Ain’t love grand? (Sit down, Courtney!) Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise (Those who chose mostly “F” answers) Okay, so he’s jumping up and down on couches and you are completely flattered by his public displays of affection enough to convert to his religion. It doesn’t mean its love. It’s convenient and fabricated and completely nuts. Besides, he can’t seem to shake the gay off of him. Free Katie!

A Personal Thank You: A very personal thanks goes out to Neharika for her lovely Henna design which my fellow friends and co-workers were sooooo envious of. I also thank her for giving me permission to mention her by name. She's got a great one and she told me what it means (starry night sky?), but of course, I've forgotten. It was even cool of her to be artistically self-depricating saying, "I could've done better." But in her defense, we were at the end of a very long work week and she had to whip this up in record time. I hope everyone doesn't start copying me and stealing Neha's talent away...So no copying! Ok?

Hello? Is Anybody Out There?: Now that I consider myself a true blogger, I'm expecting feedback. Is that too much to ask?! Maybe it is. Most people barely enjoy reading let alone commenting on what they read. But I'm sure that there are some of you out there completely unaware that I review my blog and look forward to hearing some sort of response. The literary-minded know exactly what I mean. So get to posting, dammit! DO YOU SPEAK-A MY LANGUAGE?: Now that that little unpleasantness is behind us, I want to tackle my latest pet peeve: dime words, catch phrases, and irritating know-it-all-isms that have me in a tizzy! Even yes, Whitney Houston has one: "A hell to the no!" which she can be seen blabbering out at any given moment on her hubby's show, Being Bobby Brown. What the heck is that all about? I decided to list some of my most 'beloved' (read: sarcasm):

1. Transfats - People in the know have been dropping this word like it's hot. Oh yeah, that reminds me...
2. Hot - Paris Hilton thought she was being cute when she first blurted out this adjective, but now it makes my ears bleed.
3. Hollaback - Not since Suzanne Vega's "Tom's Diner" has a mind-numbing track been on such heavy rotation at radio-stations everywhere. This time, we have Gwen Stefani to thank.
4. Keeping It Real - What does this phrase really mean? Really. If I'm a taxi-driver and I'm Arabic am I 'keeping it real'? If I sell drugs on a street corner and I'm black or Hispanic am I 'keeping it real'? And what the heck is JLo singing about her fake-one-million-dollar-insured-ass really singing, "...'cuz I'm real" for? If that chick is real, then we have a real problem. But hey, I'm just being real about it. For real.
5. ADD, ADHD, OCD - Great--now let's just label EVERYTHING a disorder. Why not? The government loves it so they can sell you drugs like ritalin and xannax and oxycotton. Before we knew what it was, male pattern baldness was just something that happened to old or over-stressed men. Now, it's a genetic disorder that men spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to correct, making The Hair Club for Men President/client very, very rich. Back in the day, ADD kids were just "slow", OCD kids were just "weird", and ADHD kids were just "confused". Why can't we leave well enough alone? Because some mediocre parent wants the right to sue the school for not 'paying attention to Little (child's name here)'. Gimme a break already!
6. Swag - If I see another Access Hollywood expose on the trend I swear...Do I need to feel bad about myself to this extent? I mean, Robin Leach had just gotten me used to the idea that the rich and famous had to have "champagne wishes and caviar dreams". Do I have to be reminded of the irony behind the richest people in the world getting baskets full of free stuff worth in excess of $26K, too??? No.

Wanna Play?

These are only a few examples. I'm sure that when I go back to think about it, something else will come to mind. Better yet, why don't you tell me? The comment button can be found at the bottom of each entry in green. It'll look like this: with a pencil at the end.

"posted by MeMa13 @ 11:59 AM 0 comments "

Just think of it as that childhood game of Tag...You're "It!"

(From left: My sis, Whats-Her-Name, and Me)

Best Friends Forever

(Yeah, right):

Recently, I received in the mail the most wonderful surprise...a card from an old friend from high-school. First of all, I love mail: postcards, notes, letters. If it's written it's always better because it means the person actually took the time to write it. That says a lot about a person.

So my longtime friend had dropped me a line to let me know two things: a) she was still alive and b) she was thinking about me. That always puts a smile on my face. And in light of all of the drama (yes, Je-sus!) that's been surrounding my life lately, it was welcome.

Truth is, I was just thinking about this subject (i.e. talking it over with my sis). Why is it that friends are so fleeting and disloyal? Why is it that they end up either being jealous of you completely or just wind up thorny, sticky and unsatisfying? While it's true that one often outgrows friendships as one expands one's horizons, why is it that some do manage to tag along while the majority fall to the wayside?

I do take into account the notion that friends are fallable. I'm in no way undermining the human-nature argument. I know that friends know how to make friends angry, and you only hurt the ones you love..blahbitty-blah. But, I think everyone should have a real beef in this department if....

• You have given a friend all you have to give, but the friend demands more.
• The arguments between you and your friend are repetetive or redundant.
• You over-victimize yourself in disagreements (aka The "you-don't-understand-me" category.)
• You avoid discussing painful subjects.
• Solutions to problems always involve you going out of your way.
• Your friend involves other people in personal arguments.
• Your friend betrays your trust either by stealing, lying (and I mean a HUGE lie--not a little fib about how you really look in those jeans) or cheating (hello, Jerry Springer).

Once you have established that it is time to let a friendship go, then it is up to the unhappy party (or parties) to be honest enough to call it off. Hence, my horror story...

1. Friends Don't Let Friends Do Housework - I was asked to commission my mate to help her work on her house. We ended up buying the materials, providing labor, travel costs and still got screwed when she refused to pay.
2. I Drove Her Crazy - I have my license and don't drive. She wanted us to go places so she tried to encourage me to pooh-pooh my TERRIFYING FEAR OF DRIVING aside so that we could hang wherever she was going.
3. When the GoGo-ing Gets Rough - I was invited to go with her to a Go-Go's concert because she had an extra ticket. Little did I know, she had asked everyone else before asking me. It had slipped her mind that we had seen them perform one year on "The Late Show with David Letterman".
4. All About Me - Since we both had similar loves, I asked her if she would want to coordinate a project with me. She flatly said, no. She liked working solo. I said, 'that's cool' and went on about my business.
5. She was a...Drama Queen - ..She could dance, she could fly, having the time of her life woo-woo ooh! See that girl acting mean? She is a Drama Queen!
6. Isn't It Ironic? - She liked to call me from her car. I wanted her to call me when she had quiet time. She said her quiet time was in the car. I told her I didn't want her to be involved in a four-car pile-up. She said she was a great driver and I should drive. I said I have a serious phobia. It went on and on like this...
7. Found you on Yahoo! - I re-kindled the friendship when I entered her name in an email search. The rest was history until she sent me a seething letter about how much I suck. I guess "fair-weather friend" is an understatement.
8. I was Passed Over - It didn't matter that I supported her when a very close relative passed away or when I had others drop me off for frequent visits. She was more upset that I gave her a less-than-favorable review of her boyfriend. In the end, she believed what she wanted to believe. Can't defend what never occured.

Like any relationship, no one wants to be the one to say, "It's Over". But if it's over, it's over. A close friend of mine said that a a friend must adhere to the three E's: Encourage, Enlighten, and Enrich your life. Unfortunately, this friendship was only hanging by a thread and didn't do any of the three E's. The only conclusion I could come up with was, "ditch the dodo." And I did.

But how many others stay friends when one or both of the parties involved really want to call it quits? As Sting so aptly put it: "If you love someone, set them free". They'll be worth the wait if they were worth their weight.

SO..... Haven't written in a bit and it's got me torn up inside. No, really. But I've been kinda busy these days trying to work with THE POWERS THAT BE. But more on that another time... On a personal note: I was sad to hear about the passing of an old friend of the family, Uncle Jimmy. A lot of people will feel that we are better off, even me sometimes, but there are a few things that I wish to share about this man that is worth a mention. I was told that his family has been hard-hit with consecutive tragedies and may not be able to even afford a service for Jimmy (aka Jimbo). So it is without further ado, I would like to introduce the bloggy world to this person. If for no other reason than that he knew my Dad. That, in itself, is worthy of respect. My Eulogy for Uncle Jimmy: A lot of people will not miss him. Sad to say that because he was truly a unique individual even though the world at large will probably never get to know that now. Dad introduced him to us as an uncle (as Puerto Ricans are wont to do though I don't know why). In reality, Jimmy was my Dad's best friend who helped my Dad find his first job of authority: Security Guard. It gave birth to my Dad's career-path and it sparked a friendship that stood the test of time. Even though it was obvious from the beginning that Jimmy was kind of weird. I mean, the man was a naturally "tacky" kinda guy. He loved things like gaudy 70's Studio 54 necklaces and nugget-gold rings for every finger. Sure, he always gave me and my sis "Christmas gifts" months after the season was over. Sure, it was almost always a rag doll he probably got at a dollar store or one of those hairbrush and mirror sets; but that was who he was. Did his kids--he had four--really need diamond-encrusted rings at the age of four? No!And why in the heck would he put VCR/cable in each of their bedrooms while he cried poverty? I dunno...But that's the kind of Dad he was. My sister's Eulogy: And this one goes out to Good 'Ol Jimbo. A crass, idiotic, trashy,space-cadet marrying, Vegas-crooner dressing cop who saved our Dad's life: "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, thenyou win. For we must remember to hate the sin and love the sinner." ~ Mahatma Gandhi The Grand FINALE: There you have it, folks! A person that was ~ at times ~ a complete schmo, but an endearing schmo nonetheless. May he rest in peace.

Organizational changes got me up and down like a yo-yo. Don't know which way is up, which is down. So when in doubt, I just numb myself and play games on: http://www.liquidgeneration.com/home.asp "Pac Man" helps to clear my head and lifts my mood, while "Ashlee Simpson's Lip-Syncing Ho-down" cracks me up! It's so much better to see celebs be made fun of, especially since it's not me. Ah, all better.